


I Tried To Hate You (But Somewhere Along The Line I Fell In Love)

by ThatWinchesterGirl67



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/F, Falling In Love, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Meredith might be falling for Addison, Mutual Pining, She tried not to, but it happened
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24797041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWinchesterGirl67/pseuds/ThatWinchesterGirl67
Summary: When Addison Montgomery-Shepherd shows up in Seattle Meredith Grey tries to hate her. She really did but somehow while trying to find reasons to hate her she found more reasons to love her.
Relationships: Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery
Comments: 46
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever Grey's Anatomy fic so I really hope I got the characters right! I only recently got into this ship while rewatching Grey's and now I'm in love with it so you can expect to see more of it on my account! Please feel free to leave any requests you have below and I'd be happy to try and write them for you.
> 
> I also want to say a huge thank you to @bobbiejelly for the warm welcome to this ship and for the support while I was working on this fic! Make sure you go check out their fics too!

This was not how Meredith Grey's life was supposed to work out. She never really had a solid plan for her life after medical school besides starting her internship, but this? She certainly would not have planned this.

For the first time in a while, things had really started to look up for her. Sure things weren't perfect, she still hadn't properly spoken to her father in almost twenty years, her mother still had Alzheimer's and as a doctor, she was starting to worry about her liver with the amount of alcohol she had been putting into her body, but some things just couldn't be fixed. Or at least she didn't have the money at the moment to pay a good enough therapist to fix them.

Despite all that, things were finally going well. She had moved back into the house in Seattle that she had lived in as a child, the place that still held all her mother's old medical tapes and things from her childhood. There were still some bad memories that lingered around the house for Meredith but in the end, it was home. It felt less empty now with George and Izzy living there too. At first, she had hated the idea of having roommates but she had caved when she realised she wouldn't be able to afford rent without them. As it turned out they were good company and as a bonus point Izzy was a great baker and there was almost always freshly baked goods in the house.

She was a surgical intern in a programme that was praised as one of the best in the country. In the same programme and hospital that her mother had done her internship at. The same place that her mother had learned, grown and thrived in as a young female surgeon. 

She had him. The Guy From The Bar, McDreamy, Her Knight In Shining Whatever, Derek Shepherd. She was in love and in what was turning out to be a steady relationship for the first time in a long time. She was happy with him, and hell she had even adopted a freaking dog.

Everything had started to come down around her when _she_ showed up in Seattle for the first time. The She-Shepherd, Satan, The Adulterous Bitch, Addison Montgomery. Whatever you wanted to call her, she was his fucking wife. Derek was married. Everything about this perfect relationship she had was built on a lie and it had turned to chaos. She felt like she had been thrown into freezing water and she didn't know how to deal with any of it.

Maybe she wouldn't have cared so much if Addison had just come to Seattle to win Derek back, to take him home to New York with her, sure it would have hurt but she would have drowned her pain in tequila and boys and gotten over it eventually. No, what bothered Meredith the most was that Addison was tall, glamorous, just all around beautiful and showed no signs of actually leaving Seattle as long as she had a chance of fixing her marriage with Derek.

It would have helped if she had hated Addison - and she really had tried to - but Meredith found her actually easy to work with and Addison didn't seem to hate her despite the fact that she had been sleeping with her husband. Or was it ex-husband? There had been some talk thrown around about divorce papers but Meredith wasn't sure if that was just Derek's attempt to get her back because it didn't seem like anything had been signed. After all, Addison was still calling herself Montgomery-Shepherd and Meredith couldn't help but notice the wedding rings Addison still slipped back on her finger after scrubbing out of surgery. She couldn't help but notice the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach every time she saw her wearing the rings either.

Every morning Meredith found herself standing in the locker room with her friends hoping that when Bailey showed up to give them their assignments she would tell her that Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd had once again requested her on her service. At this point, Meredith found her easier to work with than Derek who she still wasn't entirely on speaking terms with yet. Sometimes if she was put on Derek's service she would ask to be moved to Addison's. It had gotten to the point that her friends had started to pick up on it and Alex would make fun of her for working with "the vagina squad," the newest nickname on a long list of them that they had for OB/GYN. Bailey would reluctantly agree to move her, claiming that she had brought her sex life into the hospital and she had to deal with the fall out of that but she also wanted to avoid any further drama with her interns who seems prone to it.

Meredith had tried to hate Addison at first or at least that was what she had tried to convince herself when she would catch herself staring at the other woman or when she had started to pick up on her habits. She had just been looking for any reason to hate her, that was all. 

_Bullshit._

It wasn't hatred. The way that now every time Derek walked into a room Meredith found herself letting her glaze glide past him to see if Addison was following behind him and the disappointment she would feel when she wasn't, wasn't hatred. The more of Addison's habits that she picked up on the more she felt herself being drawn to her. Habits like the way she would always sit her glasses in the middle of her nose rather than fully pushing them up or the way her nose would scrunch up when she was really concentrating on something, pushing her glasses even more off centre. Or how if she was holding a pen while she read over charts she would worry it between her teeth. 

Meredith had noticed that when Addison was alone or when the room was quiet she would talk to the premature babies on the floor in a hushed voice, whispering words of encouragement or just rambling about life. She would watch her moving around the hospital, sometimes in her pink scrubs - that were somehow so different from her regular clothes but yet so Addison - and sometimes just in her lab coat with her own expensive, stylish clothes underneath. She had gotten used to having her around and the unique things she did in the hospital, like bringing Meredith hot chocolate whenever she lost a patient even if she hadn't been on her service that day. 

Before Meredith was able to just push it all to the back of her mind and ignore it. Addison was married to Derek so what did it matter what she thought about her? Or how she felt about her? Of course, that was up until that morning. Meredith had made her way to the floor she had been paged to but after she hadn't been able to find Addison she had approached a nurse, telling her that she been paged by Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd. It was at that moment that Addison had rounded the corner onto the hallway.

"It's um, just Montgomery now," Addison corrected her coming to stand next to Meredith, the chart for their consult under her arm. She caught the nervous look on her face as she lifted her hand and tucked her hair back behind her ear.

"What?" Meredith asked staring at her blankly.

"My name. The divorce was finalised this morning so, Montgomery." Addison explained brushing past Meredith to lead her down the hall to their consult. Meredith moved to follow her but her mind was racing now, taking in absolutely none of the information she was giving her about the case.

The divorce had been finalised. Addison wasn't married to Derek anymore. Maybe what Meredith thought about her did matter after all.

~~~

"Oh my god." Meredith groaned, rolling over onto her stomach she buried her face into the gurney she was lying on. It was lunchtime now and she hadn't been able to stop thinking about what Addison had said about the divorce. She was still dodging Derek in the halls but all she wanted to do was talk to Addison, but she didn't know _what_ she wanted to talk about. 

"What's the matter with you?" Cristina asked not lifting her eyes from the textbook in her hands, she was scrubbing in on a surgery and was trying to cram as much research as she could in during their break. "Regretting that tequila from last night? Realising how screwed up your love life is? Thinking about sticking your hand in another chest cavity of a patient with a bomb inside them?" 

"I'm having a serious crisis here." She said turning her head so she was looking up at Cristina, her cheek now pressed against the gurney.

"Do you want to talk about it? Or do you want me to come over after work and we can drink and dance it out?" 

"That's the problem I don't know! Maybe both? I just-" Meredith pushed herself up again moving to sit with her back to the wall. She couldn't get comfortable. Part of her wanted to get up and move, to do _something_ but she was already exhausted. Whether the tiredness from work or the overthinking, she wasn't sure. She felt defeated. None of it made sense to her, she had tried to hate Addison, she really had but it had just made her feel closer to her, had just given her more mixed, confusing feelings.

"Addison and Derek finalised the divorce and I think I chose the wrong Shepherd." Meredith blurted out. She didn't quite know what she was saying but she needed to say something. Especially to Cristina, she was her best friend, her person. She knew that she would eventually notice that there was something going on and she didn't want to lie to her. Even if she couldn't help her out of this one she needed someone she could vent to. "I think- I think I might be in love with Addison."

Meredith heard Cristina's textbook snap shut next to her. Looks like she finally had her full attention.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's finally back with more of this story! I'm sorry this took so long but I'm so glad to finally have the new chapter done :) I hope you all enjoy seeing Addison's point of view! I decided to have Addison take a little longer than Meredith to really realise the depth of her feelings for this one. Thank you all so much for the support on this story so far! And was that a little hint at the next main character to show up at the end of the chapter??

If she was being honest things with Addison's marriage hadn't been easy for months before Derek left New York. Even in the chaos of med school and residency her and Derek used to be able to find time for their marriage, they could put time aside to have dinner together every weekend and she used to be able to count on seeing her husband at least once during the day but over time things had gotten worse. Dinners were cancelled in favour of surgeries and Addison found herself falling asleep next to Derek's empty side of the bed almost every single night with him at the hospital. They had let things slip past the point where they could save it.

This had taken a toll on Addison emotionally. It left her feeling unwanted and alone in a house that once felt like a home to her. Derek barely gave her more than a quick brush of lips against her cheek and it had started to make her feel undesired. It's what she would blame when she slept with Mark Sloan, her husband's best friend. Mark had been there for her, had seen her, brought her dinner on nights when Derek wouldn't come home and he had told her she was beautiful when she was starting to doubt it. It was also what lead to the end of her marriage when Derek caught her in bed with Mark.

Derek hadn't flown into a fit of rage like Addison had imagined he would, and perhaps even hoped he would if it meant he still cared enough about their marriage to be angry. Sure he yelled, but it was more just at Addison to get out than anything else. After that, he had taken his things and left for Seattle.

Part of her had hoped that despite Derek's reaction he still cared, that he still wanted her and so she gave him some space before trying to fix her marriage. Before leaving New York Addison had a plan for arriving in Seattle. Her plan had been to work the case Richard had called her in for and finally talk to Derek, finally get him to listen to her about what happened that night and the problems their marriage had before heading back home to New York. Of course, that plan became a thing of the past rather quickly after landing in Seattle.

Addison still had some friends in Seattle - and by friends, she meant Richard of course - who had warned her about the young, doe-eyed, blonde intern her husband was now seeing. The first time she met her was in the lobby of Seattle Grace Hospital her first day in town. She had made a scene, and she knew that. Part of her had immediately felt guilty about the biting comment she had made to the intern. _"And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband."_ As soon as she had seen the look on Meredith's face it was clear she hadn't known Derek was married. It wasn't Meredith's fault. If anyone was to blame it was Derek and admittedly herself.

She had quickly realised she didn't blame Meredith at all and in fact, felt sorry for her. After only a few days of working in the hospital, she had quickly learned that gossip spread fast and she had unintentionally placed Meredith right in the middle of it all. It all seemed to be for nothing as well. Derek was back to acting the same way he had in New York, and possibly even worse with the new title of Adulterous Bitch that he had taken to calling her.

She was starting to slip back into that same mindset she had been in back in New York but this time the person who pulled her out of it was someone she least expected.

Meredith had been on her service for almost a week straight and she was starting to enjoy her company. She was a quick learner and always seemed curious about Addison's work, always watching everything she did closely. Meredith listened carefully when she spoke and it made her feel like the work she was doing actually meant something when it came to teaching the interns.

She had found herself starting to care more and more for the young intern. She felt seen by Meredith and she had to admit she could see why her husband had fallen for her. Not only was she sweet but her beauty hadn't gone unnoticed by Addison. She often found herself staring at Meredith when she was leaning against the nurse's station filling out charts or in the cafeteria when she was sitting around laughing with her friends. Normally Meredith's eyes were almost the colour of steel - her intense concentration reflected in her eyes - but in those moments they would soften and the pale grey was stunning.

Meredith was a young surgeon and she still had a strong urge to learn, no matter the speciality. Addison had no doubt that she would make a fine surgeon someday and she hoped she could at least have an impact on that part of her life. They had learned to work well together and Meredith was now her favourite intern to have in the O.R. with her. She had learned Addison's routine in surgery and would sometimes know what she was about to ask before she even had the chance to say it.

She found herself with a growing urge to get to know the intern outside of the hospital, to maybe even call her a friend. She told herself the urge was just from needing more friends in Seattle but there was something else, some other reason lying just below the surface that she couldn't place her finger on. She hadn't felt this drawn to someone since she first met Derek back in med school and whatever that feeling was, it was out of her control now. With her divorce finally squared away she hoped her and Meredith could spend more time together without Derek's interference. 

When Doc was still at the trailer - oh how Addison missed that old dog, it surprised her how attached to him she had become - Meredith would sometimes make the trek out to the woods to visit him and on a rare occasion Derek wouldn't be home. Addison found these times oddly comforting. Meredith wasn't as open with her then and they would spend most of the time simply talking about Doc or about their surgeries that day but she enjoyed the company.

It was during one of these visits that Addison first noticed the urge to be closer to her. Doc hadn't been on his morning walk yet when Meredith arrived and she offered to take him. Addison insisted that Meredith didn't need to, if she was being honest the walks gave her the chance to clear her mind of the stress at the time but Meredith admitted she had missed taking him out on walks herself. As a compromise Addison suggested they both go. While they were walking down the forest trail Meredith had told her about one, particularly drunken night in Europe where she and her friends had found themselves lost in a forest and she had laughed as she recounted the details. It was the first time Addison had heard her talk about her past and hearing her laugh so genuinely had made her heart flutter.

~~~

It had already been an insanely busy day and it was barely lunchtime. Addison had just gotten out of a four-hour surgery with Meredith Grey and it had ended in a close call. They had almost lost the patient and it took everything Addison had to save her. She was already exhausted and in desperate need of coffee and a conversation with Callie.

The cafeteria was busy when Addison arrived but luckily she had gotten her coffee in the lobby and was able to bypass the queues that snaked around the room. She had to push her way through the crowds to reach the corner of the outdoor seating area that Callie had claimed a table in. Once she reached the table she pulled out the chair opposite Callie and slumped down into it, placing her coffee cup down on the table. 

"So you've been with both men and women right?" Addison asked casually as she leaned forward to take a sip out of her coffee. Thank God for caffeine, she didn't know if she could make it through her shift without it.

"I- Well, good morning to you too Addison." Callie laughed at the forwardness of her question. 

Callie and Addison had quickly become close friends after their first case together and they were open with each other about everything. When Callie had first come out as bisexual Addison was one of the first people she told. Which is why she was now going to Callie with this issue.

"Callie, I have two labouring moms, surgery at four, a sexuality crisis and only a fifteen-minute lunch break," Addison explained with a frustrated groan. Busy surgical schedules didn't leave much time for personal issues which Addison guessed was why is had taken so long for all of this to catch up with her.

"Right." Callie nodded resting her elbows against the table and leaning in closer to her. "Yeah, I have, what's on your mind, Addison?"

"Does having feelings for a girl feel," Addison hesitated for a moment unsure of what she was even trying to ask Callie. "Different?" 

"You mean different than being attracted to men? It can. It really all depends on what you identify as and I don't want to assume anything here Addison. I will say, if there's someone you think you might be attracted to at the moment and you're comparing it to Derek or Mark, then yes, it will feel different." Callie explained. "Derek was your first love, you fell in love young and that was always going to be different anyway because attraction like that was new and fun. Mark was different because you were hurting because you were confused and it was during a dark time in your life. But this whoever it is, it's going to be different because you're an adult now Addison. You know who you are and what you want. The main thing you need to ask yourself is, do they make you happy and go from there. It's a learning process and it might take you some time."

"She does." Addison smiled then, it was bright and genuine. "She makes me happy. Thank you so much, Callie, you really are an incredible friend. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Of course Addie." Callie reached across the table and gave Addison's arm a squeeze. "And you absolutely do not have to tell me who this mystery potential crush is but if you did want to your secret would be safe with me."

"I think it's best if I don't say anything right now, it's a bit - messy." Addison laughed. She wasn't even entirely sure where to start when it came to explaining this. How do you explain to your best friend that you've fallen for your ex-husbands ex-mistress?

"Right got it." Callie laughed with her. "But Addison, I'm glad you found someone who makes you happy. I really mean it."

"Thank you, Callie." She nodded. "Oh and for the love god please don't mention this to Mark, I'll never hear the end of it."

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me on Tumblr at @ThatWinchesterGirl67!

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End file.
